कांदे पोहे: The unknown side

Marriage: An Eyebrow raising topic.

लग्न म्हंटल कि आम्हाला दिसणारं चित्र:

1. पंगतीतलं जेवण: Especially मट्टा, कोशिंबीर, भाजी आणि बरंच काही

2. नटलेल्या मुली :खास आकर्षण

3. भडजी ला तांदूळ नं धून काढणे

4. अक्षदा पडल्या कि न्हवऱ्याला खांदयावर उचलणे

5. दारू पिल्या सारखे वरातीत नाचणे

काय लिहू आणि काय नको...The list is long…!!!

But one never imagines these little things in their own marriage.

"Marriage are made in heaven". This writeup is @ such a small incident, won’t say funny but it certainly raised my heart beats.

"Eligible Bachelor":

I always say this is the best ever part of your life. As every single person who knows ur planning to get married & they themself start to look for options. (मध्यस्थी: Mediators)

An eligible bachelor always gets the special attention from senior people (Who’s only Aim in life is to match pairs......Sarcastic comment but true in some cases…Ha ha ha)

Likely questions which u might have to face are:

1. कशी मुलगी पाहिजे (I mean what kind of question is this)

2. अपेक्षा काय काय आहेत

3. एकुलती एक पाहिजे काय

4. Most common question " गावा कडची चाललं काय, कमी शिकले पण चांगली आहे "

5. तुमचे पाहुणे कुठं कुठं आहेत

6. गोरीच पाहिजे काय / उंचच पाहिजे का........अरे देवा !!!

Mostly parents take the decision @ the marriage, in case it’s not a love marriage (In my case it definitely wasn’t one. The word definite because if you know me then you know why).

Unlike all parents, one day my parents (Mainly mother) started the topic, it is the right age, you should get married now.

Typical parent wording:

1. एकदा वेळ गेली कि परत कोण विचारात नाही

2. योग्य वेळेत लग्न केलेलं बारा असतंय

3. त्यो पाटलांचा/ जाधवांचा/ शेजारचा /ओळखीचा etc etc..... पिंट्या/ चिंट्या/ बंट्या/ etc.etc.... बघ जरा तेंच्या कड ,,,,लग्न करून निवांत आहे (Reference is very vital)

And if we say थांबा कि जरा, direct palat waar:

1. तुझा काय असला तर आताच सांगून टाक, नंतर दंगा नको

2. बाहेर काय लडतर केलैस काय

3. आम्हाला सांग आम्ही लग्न लावून देतो

You know how parents are. Other option they opt is investigation through sister/ or friends.

So there I was in such a "Catch 22" Situation. Working in Mumbai those days & travelling on Weekends to Kolhapur & when in Kolhapur " कांदे-पोहे " were Eventual.

घरी आलो कि पत्रिका with photo ready. Sorting चालू,,,,हि बरी का ती बरी, हि चांगली का ती चांगली,,,,O Jesus.

" कांदे-पोहे "...... सिर्फ नाम हि काफी हे or I should say नाम का खौफ हि काफी हे.

कुठून अली हि पद्धत देव जाणे.....But I had to go through it like every other eligible bachelor.

नाही म्हणता म्हणता श्री गणेश झाला.......Starting with a Standard 4 X 6 photo from Photo studio....Epic isn’t it.

वधू वर केंद्रा मध्ये admission झाली ewww.....!!!

गाव भर चर्चा पण चालू झाली, पोरगा खपवायचा आहे..!!

So weekend program was decided in advance where to go & what to do.

My schedule on alternate weekend was:

1. One new marriage matrimony office

2. One new mediator

3. One new relative as a reference check of proposal

4. And a lot of proposals to sort from.

U know, even getting prepared mentally is not that easy for Marriage. One-time activity. No second chance. No Re-take.... आर या पार

So I was being brain washed by my sisters & parents.

सौज्वळ looks

First Proposal:

I was ready. After lot of criteria’s & loads of sorting one proposal had finally arrived. Would not like to mention who she was.

So I got ready. Clean shave (Which I am mostly not), ironed cloths, polished shoes, nice perfume, combed oily hair & what not.

भावी न्हवरा शोभला पाहिजे…!!!

The girl was from my native place, so it was just 15-20 mins local travel.

Before we leave home, I had specially warned everyone, my parents, Sister, Mediator, relatives not to point at me to ask any question to the girl " तुम्ही कायतर विचार कि”

We arrived at the location. Bang...." माहोल ".

Proper पेठेतली मुलगी होती, अख्या गल्लीला माहित होतं आज कांदे-पोहे program आहे ते.

Entry कशी हिरो सारखी पाहिजे....नुसत्या looks ani looks द्याचे आपण दुसरा काही नाही.

U know I am very happy to have a Niece, who was not that grown up at that time, but was big enough to understand what "A good girl should look like".

Sonu-My Niece was always besides me. Her observation was from head to toe.... What a girl is wearing & is it proper or not & importantly does it suits her or not.... Critic opinion at its best. ( तिथंच काय तो सोक्ष मोक्ष)

I was so scared, it’s difficult to even breath, when u know every single person around is watching you, watching your moves, watching you posture, your behavior (त्यात खाज सुटली तर मजाच.........what an epic moment it would be…Hahaha.

So here I was seating in the hall of an unknown home, accompanied my near & dear ones & the iconic " कांदे-पोहे " arrived. Actually those were brought by the girl’s mother.

I agree Girls also have to go through a lot, during such rituals, but from a boys’ point of view it difficult to.

1. पोहे गडबडीत खायचे नाहीत (One small bit at a time)

2. उपाश्या सारखे परत मागायचे नाहीत (even if they are good/ tasty enough)

3. खाताना आवाज करायचा नाही (I personally don’t, but warning आली होती आई साहेबांची)

चुकून ठसका आला तर अख्ख घर उठतंय राव पाणी घाला....Epic moment 2.

Then arrived the girl holding tea cups in Tray,,,Well dressed off course in Saaree..... एक कप, नंतर दुसरा, नंतर तिसरा म्ह माझा नंबर.......This is the crucial part to have eye contact with the girl at that time that too in fraction of second.

Every girl during the कांदे-पोहे function 

Then the awkward scenario starts...one after the other.

1. Girl has to touch elder’s feet

2. Answer silly little questions

3. Look calm & patient

4. Avoid direct eye contact (मान  खालीच)

5. मध्यस्थी try to play a vital role here,re-introducing the members again.... वातावरण शांत करणे ओ दुसरा काही नाही

And then comes the bomb..." तूला काय विचारायचे असले तर विचार..?",,,The question I always try to avoid comes right in front of your face.

मी नुसता आह्ह आणि आह्ह,,,गले मे खिच खिच एवढाच काय तो आवाज.

Well the scene was over & after the " कांदे-पोहे "' ceremony, we moved out of their home.

One little habit I had, when I used to tie my shoes laces after the ultimate program, I tried to see if I can get a glimpse of the girl...fortunately I always did & It often says it all.

छुप छुप के

Well this is the ideal situation which a " भावी नवरदेव " has to go through.... Ideal because there were no twist & turns.... Well in one of my case there was,,,,,,& it was just one of a kind.

When you go for a "कांदे-पोहे",,,,,Ideally u are going to see the girl for the first time, but, What if....

1. U know the girl

2. Have met her before

3. Have mutual friends

ऐसा तो मेरे साथ कभी हुआ नाही था, but as they say Life shows us all the colors & I was about to witness one.

एक पत्रिका घरी अली,Doctor मुलगी म्हंटल कि सगळी फुल्ल impress ओ, Photo पण best (तशे सगळेच Doctor स्मार्ट नसतात, पण हि होती)

I saw the details & गुपचूप noted her college name & year of passing. World is a small place & we collide with many known people daily at some unknown place.

I enquired few of my sources & coincidentally I was able to locate one mutual friend. लगेच गाडी काढली स्टार्टर मारला & त्यो दवाखाना गाठला जिथं ती काम करत होती.

First I had called my friend who was also working along with her in the same hospital. (तश्या मला मैत्रिणी limited edition मध्ये आहेत .... पण त्यातली ही एक होती)

मी मैत्रिणीला कॉल करून पूर्वकल्पना दिली होती मी कशा साठी येणार आहे ते.

I went to the place & unofficially/ without consent of my family met the proposal Girl. She appeared nice. बराच वेळ गप्पा रंगल्या (I am told by a few, that m good with conversation, so थोडा बोला बोली झाली)

I ended the small little talk with a dairy milk.  My friend was like एवढा वेळा मला भेटलास पण कधी काय दिला नाहीस आणि आता direct Cadbury (य सांगू राव...करणा पडता हे)

Later after some days, the "कांदे-पोहे",,,,,program was arranged at the known girls place.  I tried a lot but was unable to tell my mother that I know this girl (पण हिम्मत तर न्हवतीच आणि थोड धाडस पण झालं नाही)

I thought let’s go for the visit & lets fate decide.

आम्ही ठरल्या प्रमाणे नठुन थठुन गेलो.

As always I was seating with my niece by my side & mother on the right & father on the left.

कांदे-पोहे झाले आणि चहा आला.

She came outside with the typical traditional style holding tray with tea & what just happened was boom....."Direct Eye contact with me.... तिने डोळे थोडे मोठे केले & she blushed (I would never ever forget that smile)"

This is was the reaction- almost similar,,,!!!!

I know my mother, the very next second, offcourse mother know everything & I guess my mother was able to pretend everything in that fractional second (She saw the girls’ reaction & then she saw me).

O boy what a scene it was.

How to behave like a stranger to known person. Till the end of entire session like always I was just looking at the girls’ feet (तेजा वर नजर गेलीच नाही).

I had some raised heart beats result of this clash. The program was over & we were on our way back to home.

That little drive from that place to my home, my mother was just staring at me.....Shhhhhhhh…!!!

ती हसलिच का, तू तिला ओळखतॊस काई, मला अधिच का सांगितलं नाहीस,,,,,,,I was just thinking that my mother might ask me any of such questions pan Shhhh,,,, सन्नाटा….!!!

I guess it was in my Fate that somehow the proposal dint go ahead. But yes I had one nice little memory created which will last really long & every time I hear @ कांदे-पोहे, I reconnect to it.